New Job

(Originally published in Tír na nÓg Magazine, 2022)

Listen, I’m sure you’re wondering, “Emma, what exactly are you doing living on a literal cloud?” I get it, it’s certainly unusual. But it’s not too bad you know. Yeah, it’s a bit small, about the size of two king-sized beds, wouldn’t you say? And okay, it’s a bit damp. Honestly though, it’s not all that different from a studio in town, am I right? No? 

Long story short, I messed up. Lesson learned: don’t piss off your local “magic-doesn’t-exist-I’m-totally-not-a-witch” witch because if you stand her up one too many times, she will condemn you to thirty years of living on a cloud. A year for every minute you were late to the date. Say what you want about witches, they’re consistent with their cruel and unusual punishment. 

I have to stay up here and do her bidding or face the consequence of another ten years being added to my sentence. I’m kind of okay with it, I mean I didn’t have any plans for after college, so this seems to be as good a plan as any. 

She crafted this cloud – it was very cool; ancient languages, bright colours, controlling the elements, the whole shebang. I’d highly recommend you go watch a curse being laid upon someone if you ever get the chance. Anyway, she says that the ground below this cloud is the site of great injustice. Maybe she got stood up here once before, that’d explain her reaction, wouldn’t it? 

So, I’m here to reap chaos upon anyone who steps under this damned earth. Basically, I’m just here to mess with people. When they walk under the cloud, I’m supposed to use this bucket and sprinkler here to inflict the mild-inconvenience of light rain on those who tread the cursed ground. It’s like when you’re walking along the street, minding your own business on what seems to be a nice dry day, but then suddenly there’s one tiny spot of cloud and you just happen to walk under it the second it starts to rain, while everyone else stays miraculously dry. That’s me. I do that. 

There’s an art to it, you know? Not enough rain and the folks on the ground don’t notice. Then I get called up and threatened with the extra time and it’s just a bit of a heartache to listen to. Too much rain and you run the risk of someone noticing that something weird is afoot. 

You know me, I’m quite clumsy. I was shuffling around on this cloud, getting ready for the day ahead, and I knocked over the bucket and all the water was dumped on the ground. Any given day, that’s less than ideal, but it was a bit of a disaster when the bucket went with it. That’s when you looked up.